He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
