Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize