Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
