The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
