I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
