I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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