I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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