Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
