ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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