I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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