Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
