some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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