Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
