I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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