kristin has been a bad kristin
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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