Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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