so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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