your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
