It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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