Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
