oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
