Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
