I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
