just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
