Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
