A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
