my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
