he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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