Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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