Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
