I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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