Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
