how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
