Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
