So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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