he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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