Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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