I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
