apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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