i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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