i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
