My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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