I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
