I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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