So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
