Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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