You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
