If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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