Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
