Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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