Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
