Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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