Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
