And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
