So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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