I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
