there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
