I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
