Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
