Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
