I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
