If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize