Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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