Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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