He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
