I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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