I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
