I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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