Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
