I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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