that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
