I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
