I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
