I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
