I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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