Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
