I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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