the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
