i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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