the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize