Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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